Jessica 26, looks back on a time when she felt free only to see things change dramatically.
When I was 7 years old my mother asked me, after school if I wanted to go to the beach. She said she would make my favourite lunch and we'd have a picnic. I said okay but she asked what I wanted to do. ''Play with Ross'' (my older brother who was outside with friends playing soccer).
...and that as my mother says was the day I started playing soccer.
We joined a team a week later (I say we because my mother was just as into it as me..even more) and began going to practice twice a week, games on saturdays.
These times were great and because of the weather it seemed like my whole childhood was spent in the summer. My father had a job downtown which was cool because during school vacation he would take me to work with him. He would also be at every game with my brother.
It is a special feeling having the two family guys at your games when you are a young girl because it made me feel like the games were so important. Going crazy and shouting at the referee made me kinda concentrate more.
Teenage years were totally different. My brother moved away to attend college and my father was suddenly home after school alot. I also went from a pleasant local school playing soccer for fun, to the world of the high school. Hair styles, older boys, menstral pains, and my personal favourite ..make-up.
By the end of my first year of high school I felt that I was pretty good at this soccer thing. My coaches at school and with my club would put me in with the older girls and I was going to all kinds of camps with my father. He was more involved and I learnt that he was the boss at work and basically did nothing but relax at home.
National Team
At 15 I was selected to play for the national team. My mother sat us down and read a letter from the association after dinner. That was the first time I had champagne. This was when everything changed for me. Soccer was my life now and my mother even made a timetable for me which had my diet and practice all scheduled. All this I must say helped me become a better player.
I made every squad and eventually became a regular but my father was the one to keep my feet on the ground with our little talks once a week. Within a year and a half we were on our way to Canada for the 2002 Under 19 World Cup. It was great being in Canada. The best players in the world for my age back then, all in the same place.
My whole family also came out and stayed for the tournament close by. The first two weeks were spent training and taking days off for 'team building' exercises which was just an excuse for me Jen and Kirsty (friends from my first squad call up) to hang out together.
memories
My 3 biggest memories from the tournament are 1) the first game. Hearing the national anthem being played and standing there thinking of how long it took to be this good. Running around the field that day playing for my country, in a world cup.
2) My mother hugging me after our final game. I just remember sinking my face into her body and crying just crying for ages. I held her really close till she started crying with me.
3) The third was leading up to our final game. It was a big game for not only the team but the country. We had beaten a real 'football' nation the day before and and some of us did press for an hour in the morning. After doing press I went back upstairs to get some treatment on my left calf.
I could not find our room for a while so I asked a player from a team and she said that she had seen some of my teamates down the hall. I checked 2 roms out no luck. On my third I found the massage table then the physio entered.
The hotel doors had a turn lock, which he turned. I can't remember much of what I said but he told me to sit on the table. So I did. He asked to me to pull down my socks so he could see the injury. Which I did.
Then as I moved up he kissed me grabbing my head hard, pushing me against his face. As he did that he pushed his hand into my underwear. I tried to push his hand away but all that did was make him pull my hair back. He then moved on top of me and continued to touch me.
I remember most of all the silence after, being left alone in that room. I can't think how long it took but I just ended up in my room laying in bed.
I slept until the team dinner. Everyone was asking if I was alright and talked about the different things they did that day. To be honest it was all a blur being there, the lights, the food, the people, the cup posters. I just ate a little then went to my room to sleep, crawled up in bed with the tv on.
The next day felt much better and we had a game, so I kept on trying to think of something else. Didn't talk that much on the field that day and when the referee blew the final whistle I walked straight to my mother.
My family took my kit and I just remember not wanting to eat or leave with my team. My family thought something was wrong or that I missed my team mates. I told my mother that I did not want to play again and within 4 months had convinced them it was just a choice of mine, a choice of moving on.
Looking back I guess I should have told someone but I did not want to be the one who would have to stand out for something so terrible. It also makes you feel like hiding. Which is what I think I did. I just hid it away deep inside me and never thought about it. As an older woman now, t's crazy to think that this still happens especially in my country. There should be more done to help players across the game. Somewhere or someone they can talk to.
Writing this was not easy but I knew it was the better action to take. I must say a deep thank you for Anja and the other girls I spoke to before writing this and helping find other footballgirls who have had terrible experiences in our sport.
I didn't think it would make good reading but I remember many years ago Tiago was one of the few people I told even before my parents. So a big thank you to him especially after 7 years.
:the real names of jessica and all players have been changed.
Please send confidentially to nightandday@footballgirl.com
